How to network when you don't like networking events
going to the sauna taught me how to network differently
Small-town Sweden rewired my brain on how to connect with others…
When I was living in the US, I learned everything there is to know about how to network as a small portrait photography business owner…or so I thought.
I read the books. Went to the events. Dressed up in business-appropriate attire. And I did all the small talk. Asked the questions and "connected".
But something felt so incredibly off for me. I was part of multiple women's business groups, and we often met up for lunch at local restaurants, had speakers and talked about business. Mostly. They were littered with people trying to sell their MLM products, and oftentimes the conversations rang hollow.
Words like "Boss Babes” and "Female Empowerment” were being thrown around like confetti, dazzling everyone with the feeling of being in it together.
Yet, I often walked away feeling slightly off. It was as if I was only seen as valuable as long as I could do something for the people I was networking with.
It felt transactional.
Now, I know what you will say. Business is transactional. But when you try to run a business that is also aligned with who you are as a person, then you might need something a little deeper.
Truth be told, my neurodivergent brain doesn't handle superficial connections very well. Yet, I kept going. Kept pushing. Because that was what you were supposed to do when building a business.
And don't get me wrong, it worked.
I got clients.
However, most of them didn't fully align with what I wanted to do. There was this disconnect that made everything feel more difficult and less smooth. Harder than it should've been.
I remember one day, sitting in a Connecticut country club, a room full of mainly white women, clapping our hands for this donation we had managed to make to an outer-city charity, celebrating just how good we were. How charitable.
The cause was good. But the whole situation felt off and somewhat self-righteous. In that moment, I remembered movies I'd seen as a child in Denmark from the US, of similar situations and how I'd felt them to be so off-putting. The disparity was so stark that it was the last time I participated in a networking event of that kind.
Don't get me wrong. A lot of people really do benefit from events like that, but I craved something deeper and more true to who I was professionally and personally.
I'd later go to more co-ed events, but it never felt right.
Fast forward a few years. I moved to the small town of Älmhult in Sweden.
An odd place because it definitely feels like the Swedish countryside, but also has the added benefit of being highly international, due to the fact that IKEA was founded here and still houses many of its main offices.
People come from all over the world to work here, but it is still difficult to find new connections.
SO when I started rebuilding my business following a Scandinavian model with a dash of American flair, I had to start thinking outside the box.
After suffering severe burnout in my business, I refused to go back to the way of networking that I'd been used to. I simply no longer wished to build a business on the principles I had followed before.
I longed for real connections that might also turn into friendships. I wanted authenticity and something that felt less formal.
Interestingly enough, it turned out that the Swedish sauna tradition was going to help change that.
I was lucky enough to have made one real friend early after my move, and she took me swimming, mainly so we could go enjoy the sauna.
In Winter, this feels like such a special treat to get properly warm when the weather is more or less constantly cold and grey. Sitting in the warmth, all social cues removed, creates an equality that is hard to get around. In the sauna, we're all the same. All exposed. All sweaty and rarely pretty to look at, so the superficial dies away quickly.
I've had some of my best conversations in saunas. I've gotten friends and clients from it. And it has rewired my brain on how to think about what networking is and how to do it.
Many people have such a difficult time putting themselves in traditional networking situations. It feels stiff and awkward, and it can be difficult for many to go out there and talk to strangers, giving elevator pitches and doing business small-talk.
But I always argue that good networking isn't necessarily about being in a business-specific setting, but it's about being open to connections in new or familiar situations.
Networking doesn't have to be elevator pitches and stale coffee.
It can be a book club, a knitting club or even a trip to your local sauna. Think about what you are passionate about, and then go put yourself in situations where you might meet people who are of like mind. Because ultimately, purchasing decisions are often made when trust has been well established. You should go into it with a mindset of how you can help others instead of what they can do for you. How you can connect properly without worrying about the potential sale.
If you leave the business-related expectations at the door, you might be surprised to find that new avenues are going to open up for you.
If you like going to networking events, all power to you. But sometimes just being in a new setting is all you need.
Since that first trip to the sauna with my friend, I have taken steps to actively change my mindset on how I can anchor myself as a business in the local community. And I am proud to admit that I ended up taking a once-a-week part-time position in the local bakery Handelsboden in Loshult.
I didn't do it for the money but because it is a local hub for all the creatives of my area. The first time as a customer there, I heard 7 different languages in a matter of 2 hours. We are 8-9 different nationalities working there, and everything is about slowing down, enjoying incredible breads and pastries and having conversations with the people who are local to you.
Now, as I am growing in my photography business, I am being recognised as the portrait photographer. People ask me questions about what I do and what I charge, and it has led to bookings. Not because I was trying to force it, but because it happened organically by immersing myself in my local community.
If you, too, hate traditional networking, maybe it is time to think outside the box and place yourself in situations that feel right and true to you to connect with people who are more aligned than you could ever imagine. Let's not make it more difficult than it has to be.
Happy networking!